MN Pets

It’s an important question when one is considering how the death of a beloved pet will impact their family and how best to support them—including not only our human, but our animal family members.

I recently spoke with a client whose family had two dogs.  Sadly, when one of their beloved dogs had to be euthanized in a clinic, the other dog seemed to experience a profound grief.  In fact this client reported that she was forever altered from the experience of losing her friend and simply was different from that point on.  The two dogs had their toys in a basket and part of their “after work” routine was to go outside, have supper, and play with their toys together.  “She didn’t play with her toys for two years after the death of (her friend)”, her person reported.  Now her friends’ ashes are buried in the yard and when she is out there she lays on his gravesite.  This is the main reason this client decided to have in-home euthanasia this time.  She felt that it was important for her dogs to know, firsthand, what had happened to their beloved friend.

Evidence shows that humans aren’t the only creatures to grieve the passing of a loved one, however, it is a challenging thing to study and there is more anecdotal evidence than there is empirical study.  That said, Mark Bekoff, former professor of ecology and evolutionary biology at the University of Colorado, Boulder and Author of The Emotional Lives of Animals,  sites examples of animals displaying grief in the wild while mourning lost companions and explains that, “categorically denying emotions to animals because they cannot be studied directly does not constitute a reasonable argument against their existence…… current interdisciplinary research provides compelling evidence that many animals experience such emotions as joy, fear, love, despair, and grief – we are not alone.”

Some animal behaviorists report working with pets in their practices whose animal companions have died, and whom appear to be grieving that loss.  Those pets sometimes manifest their grief in the following ways:  decreased appetite, changes in activity (increase or decrease), increased soliciting of attention from their family, separation anxiety, increased vocalization, and increased sensitivity to noises.

One of the positive aspects about having a pet euthanized at home is that their animal friends can be with them.  Sometimes, when a pet is euthanized in a clinic setting, it can be confusing for their animal family members, who may not understand what has happened to their loved one.  Animals have their own individual personalities and sensitivities and their people know them better than anyone else – it is up to them to determine how much to include them in those end-of-life experiences.  Sometimes it is helpful to animal companions to have a moment to visit with their friends’ body – they have their own way of sensing what has happened to their friend.  Keeping to normal routines after a loss is a good way of supporting pets – walks, playtime, meal times etc… also offering extra cuddles and one-on-one time can be helpful.

For further reading:

Do animals mourn: http://www.mnn.com/earth-matters/animals/stories/do-animals-mourn

Mark Bekoff writes a blog for psychology today called “grief in animals”: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/animal-emotions/200910/grief-in-animals-its-arrogant-think-were-the-only-animals-who-mourn?page=2

Built to cry…

The grief that accompanies the loss of a beloved companion animal is profound and the pain of that loss can be felt emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  Grief is a grueling physical experience and shedding tears is one of the ways our body supports us in processing and healing from loss.

Sadness and grief are the emotions that help us with loss.  When a significant loss is sustained there is a buildup of emotion that, if we allow it, is expressed physically through crying.  That release often helps us “process” the experience we are facing and among other things, can help us to recover some mental balance.

Scientific research supports the belief that crying is good for our health.  Generally, it is agreed that there is a buildup of toxic stress hormones that are released into our bodies prior to crying.  Stress hormones negatively affect virtually every system in our bodies.  We know that tears contain these hormones and help to cleanse our bodies of them.  Thus, crying is a natural and essential biological function that results in the elimination of stress hormones associated with stress-related health problems. Crying relieves stress, lowers blood pressure, removes toxic stress hormones, and also helps to remove manganese, a mineral which is responsible for negative effects on mood.

Neuroscientist and tear researcher, Dr. William H. Frey explains that, “crying is not only a human response to sorrow, it’s a healthy one.  Crying is a natural way to reduce emotional stress that, left unchecked, has negative effects on the body, including increasing the risk of cardiovascular disease and other stress related disorders”.

The “water” in you…

The human body is 60% water and our blood is 83% water.  Metaphorically speaking, it may be useful to think of the water in our body as our “body of water” and in that way consider its function, the ways it flows, or is dammed.  When we experience a shock to our system, such as the death of a loved one, we become tense.  Stress hormones build up in our bodies and we may even get a lump in our throat.  All of these create a sense of blockage – damming our energy and waters.  Tears restore flow, allowing our water and energy to move freely – opening our waterways, connecting us to our healing waters…. cleansing us.

In her book, The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying To Tell You, Karla McLaren explains that, “many of us, because we’ve had such poor socialization around sadness, think that sadness is only about loss, it’s not.  Sadness is also about restoring flow, ease, and relaxation…. Because when you finally let go of things that just don’t work, you’ll suddenly have room for things that do.”  McLaren says that the questions to ask of sadness are, “What must be released? And what must be rejuvenated?

In the case of grief and its accompanying sadness, we do not have a choice about whether or not to let our loved one go, their life has come to a close.  Sadness and tears help us with the very difficult task of letting go of the things that can no longer be held on to, restoring the flow of our “healing waters”, and creating space for us to move into what comes next.